Just my thoughts at the moment…

My husband mentioned that I may have hurt his feelings just a little with a remark meant to be funny about his grown children…

I don’t remember the remark.  

I do know that I think his children have turned out awesome…

It occurs to me that when someone tells me that I did all I could and did a good job raising my boys and yet they still turned out to be one in jail (now out, thank God) and another feeling his way along in the world…I feel the condemnation.  Yes, you may think I did all I could (I really did try) and you may have niceties that sound good but really only say that your children would have NEVER turned out the way mine did.  NEVER!  Because?  Well, because you just wouldn’t have allowed it, right?

Which ultimately means I did allow it.  Which negates the gut wrenching fighting I so desperately engaged in to prevent my boys from going down the path of drugs and alcohol.  What would I NOT have done to prevent their struggles?  What did you do so right that I did so wrong?  Oh, your condemnation is there. My children would not have been allowed you say…does this mean I allowed it?  I didn’t stand for it…I did?   

This lifetime of experience has given me an insight that I never would have been afforded if my children had managed to walk a straight and narrow path of law and order and civil obedience…it is that ALL humans, no matter their upbringing, have a choice in their life and decisions and we are all afforded the opportuninity to fuck up royally…if I were to claim a great child rearing accomplishment on raising my sons it would be only a half truth…I tried. With all I had knowledge and access to at the time, I tried.  And I loved, LOVED, my boys…

And, I still do. I always will. No matter what. 


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